After three or four interesting Christmases, Meredith Moss shares with us how she celebrates the Luxembourgish way. She’s been skating at Kneudler, she’s eaten a gromperekichelcher and even ordered the tree. But can she embrace the Housécker?
Christmas is celebrated in our household with great pomp and grandeur, and the added touch of mania. Some years, the decorations go up in October but this time we are dangerously behind schedule. After last year’s castrated bird debacle, I told myself working out the timings of this holiday would be different…
Reasons to be Vegan
Upon doing further research, I learned that this bird, a capon (from Latin caponem, dontcha know) achieves its rather hefty price tag because it has to be force fed. If you ever needed a reason to go vegan, just Wiki the process. Note to reader: It will not get you in the festive mood and will instead make everyone a bit nervous while eating the final product.
The yin and yang of Luxembourgish Christmas
You know you aren’t going to be winning any parenting awards when you realise you totally missed Christmas.
When your kid comes back from school and asks why he didn’t wake up to find sweets in his slippers like all the other kids in his class, the answer is not ‘Because you don’t have slippers! You should definitely invest in some slippers!
It goes without saying that I live a rather dangerous life. This is mainly due to overall poor judgement but also because I cannot walk in heels. After a near death experience in Louboutins at a London nightclub which had me luging down 12 stairs on my chin, you’d struggle to find a pair of non-athletic sporty-ish shoes in my closet. But whilst I fully accept I cannot walk in heels, I cannot bear the thought of telling my boys that, amongst other recreational activities which I flat-out refuse to do, momma doesn’t ice skate. Onwards to Kneudler!
My tip for surviving, nay, actually enjoying this involves copious amounts of gluhwein. Strapping on a rather thin blade of metal, I pushed that awkward orange seal thing and could believe that I was actually not the biggest monstrosity on the ice. I found myself muttering ‘Good God, the talent level of these skaters was simply appalling. I recall last year the skaters were significantly more capable!’
My kid might have nervously pointed out that I ran over a few fourteen-year-old girls with the plastic marine mammal. A note to them: once this 38-year-old train of Yuletide cheer gets going, there’s no stopping her, so if you pause on the ice to have a natter with your girlfriend, you are pretty much signing your own death warrant.
One herniated disc later, we are ready to purchase our tree! Come hell or high water, this tree will be in my living room before December 1st. I have 48 hours and I am fairly confident this will be a non-anxiety inducing event. Wish me and (my ever-patient family) the best of Christmas luck.
Featured Photo: Tina Pace